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Born in the wrong body
Julia Ford: 'I've never been so happy as I am now'
When I talk to 53-year old Julia Ford, I have little trouble believing her when she claims to be as ‘mad as a bag of spanners’. She is lively, funny and extremely talkative; our conversation lasts for over two hours. Her stories have me in near-hysterics, and even at her most serious, I never have to wait long for a joke. But a few years ago, she was so severely depressed that she was losing one or two pounds in weight a day. If I had phoned her back then, she assures me, we would have had a very different conversation.
Julia was born male, and until relatively recently was known as David. Despite having identified as female since her early childhood, she spent more than two decades in a relationship with a female partner whose children looked upon her as their father. But six years ago, her partner – the only person aware of her true gender identity – died suddenly. In the months that followed, Julia began feeling unable to continue living as a man.
When, after months of unsuccessful treatment for depression, she eventually broke down and admitted the truth to her doctor, Julia was diagnosed with gender dysphoria – the condition where a person’s perception of their own gender does not match up with the sexual characteristics of their body. Some individuals identify as transgender, or gender variant, without wishing to medically change gender – they may cross dress, or take on a role traditionally perceived as belonging to the opposite sex. But in severe cases, the discomfort that arises from the condition is so extreme that the individual is left no option but to go through a process of gender reassignment, ending up with a new body and a new identity.
It is impossible to know exactly how many people in this country are living with gender dysphoria, for the simple reason that many of them keep it a secret. In a 2009 study, the Gender Identity Research and Education Society (GIRES) reported that although only 10,000 people have so far presented for treatment, a further 50,000-90,000 may yet do so. The number of people seeking treatment for gender dysphoria is rising by 15% per year, perhaps an indication that attitudes to transgender people are gradually becoming more tolerant.
According to Rory Smith of The Gender Trust, a national charity that supports those affected by gender identity issues, many of those who seek treatment go on to integrate seamlessly into the wider community. ‘Most people just want to transition and get on with their lives,’ he says. After transitioning, many people go into ‘stealth’, whereby they live as their new gender without making it known that they have gone through a process of gender reassignment (although this, Smith says, is easier for trans men than for trans women, who despite hormone treatment and voice therapy are often unable to entirely cover up their masculine bone structure or to ‘unbreak’ their voices).
Despite this, transphobia is still, he says, ‘something that really needs to be tackled.’ Since she came out four years ago, Julia has been not only rejected by the children she brought up as her own, but threatened by them. She is nonetheless admirably self-confident – and while the inhabitants of her small village were predictably shocked when she first began living and dressing as a woman, she has become a well-known and well-liked figure in her local community. Others, however, find it significantly more difficult.
‘Lots of people only go out at night – but that’s a lot more dangerous than going out in the day,’ she says. ‘There are all these people who can’t or won’t go out – it drives some of them to suicide because they don’t know who to turn to or who to speak to.’ In a report by the Brighton-based LGBT research organisation, Count Me In Too, 58% of trans respondents felt marginalised because of their identity. One woman described being transgender as ‘a continual process of exclusion, pain and suffering.’ Trans people are over five times as likely to have attempted suicide than non-trans people, and are ‘significantly more likely’ to have been affected by depression, anxiety, isolation, insomnia, panic attacks and addictions and dependencies.
For all her confidence and humour, Julia is certain that continuing to live as a man would eventually have killed her. ‘If I hadn’t made that choice to become my real self,’ she says, ‘I wouldn’t have survived much longer. I used to sleep with a razor blade at the side of my bed every night. I wasn’t afraid of dying, but I didn’t want to die, so that was why I made the decision to talk to my doctor.’ Doing so, she says, ‘was like someone had lifted a ten-ton weight off me.’
Nonetheless, Julia regrets waiting so long before seeking help. ‘I just wish I could press rewind, go back and start again,’ she says. It is by no means uncommon for transgender people to wait until later in life before coming out. Countless trans people settle down and raise families before they make their gender identity known; indeed, the median age for transitioning is 42.
‘Most people hate themselves for it and hide it for years on end,’ says Smith.
Today, Julia is determined to do all she can to help others struggling with gender dysphoria. ‘People are ashamed of it, and you should never be ashamed of who you are. That’s why I want to raise awareness … I can’t do much, but every little bit helps.’ She encourages anyone dealing with a gender identity issue to speak to their doctor as early on as possible.
Julia grew up in a pre-internet society, and was forced to read the majority of the dictionary before she learned of the existence of the word ‘transsexual’. But today, information and advice are available at the click of a mouse. ‘Hit the internet,’ is Smith’s advice to people coming to terms with gender dysphoria. ‘Start talking to people – even if you can’t talk to family and friends, you can talk to people on forums. Look at Youtube blogs … You’re not alone, and you see that if you look on the internet.’ Finding out you are one of many, he says, is ‘amazing’.
Currently undergoing a gruelling process of hormone treatment, Julia hopes to complete her transition next autumn. ‘I’ve never been so happy as I am now,’ says Julia. ‘I want other people to feel what I feel now – I’m living proof that it’s possible. All it takes is courage.’
For information and support about gender dysphoria and other gender-related issues, try visiting these sites:
www.gendertrust.org.uk
www.gires.org.uk
www.transgenderzone.com
www.beaumontsociety.org.uk
www.genderedintelligence.co.uk
10 Comments on “Born in the wrong body”
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Wow, great article. Really interesting read.
Great article.
This is a really good and interesting article, and I was impressed by much of it, though as a trans person, bits grated.
It could have been improved by being related to RHUL. I wonder whether I’m the only trans student?
Thanks for your feedback. I agree that focusing more on RHUL would have been a good approach, although I didn’t initially want to make it too university-specific as I was hoping the article might reach a wider audience than just RHUL students. I know Julia has shared the link with people she knows, for example, many of whom will never have heard of Royal Holloway. But perhaps a follow-up is in order!
Glad you liked it, though I’m sorry there were bits that grated – which ones?
Hi all in response to Kids comment.
I have been the subject of 3 professional newspaper articals not including the one here but Kate has managed to write this better than the profesionals as she has not fucused on “just me” as others did as this is not about me (it involves me) i am just an example .Kate was correct about me putting links to this but one was on a trans website but i had to remove it as it was met with what can only be discribed as “hate” i was called everything from an attention seeker to “another professional transsexual preaching” i cannot be part of a so called trans community where members think that way i prefere “my community” as its a nicer place.
The one thing not in the artical is the fact that i was denied an education because of my sexuality as back in the 70s being born a Catholic and being transsexual it was better for them to give me exclusion “that is not allow me in school with no come back on my mother”.
The best thing to me about this artical is that there is a link on this to the hate crime service so it has already helped at least one person (that i am aware of that is) . I consider myself to be not only lucky to be alive (with a smile) but i have been accepted into my local community as me and Kate has pointed that out which realy is the point in all of this “it is possible to be happy” and there is no need to hide or be ashamed of just being yourself .
I too would be interested in Grated bits as all i can see given the space are “the facts” so if you mean “those facts” then i am sorry but if people are not reminded of those facts they get forgotten.
The people who accused me of attention seeking are deluded as the one thing i do not need in my life is attention, believe me i get plenty of that and thankfully 99% of it is good but it has been a very hard jouney to get this far but the point of the above artical is “it is possible to be happy” and getting that message out to the younger generation . There are to many trans people hiding behind a PC monitor in a virtual world when there realy is no need for it in 2010 , the world can be a very nice place but it takes the effort to take those first steps and if you smile at someone 9 times out of 10 you get one back.
All the best to you all . Julia Ford .
PS as i stated i was denied an education so i apologise for any spelling mistakes and misuse of grammer, as my teachers used to call me “useless artical” but it was better than being called “boy”.
The main thing that bothered me was the reference to old name – as a trans person that’s something I get asked a lot, and it’s because that’s seen and treated in the media as up for public consumption. If it were treated as private information I think that would improve the lives of many trans people, especially those who have no real paper trail in their old name, so all questions regarding it tend to be coming from a position of curiosity.
As well as it being related more to the University (maybe information on their trans policies, for example? or something on gender neutral toilets?) I find that the life of someone who overcame the obstacles she did to transition later in her life is very different to that of someone who is transitioning at university age, so it doesn’t do as much as might have been hoped to raise awareness of the issues that students face.
I think it was a very good article (apart from the references to her old name) but might have been better in a publication such as G2 (the Guardian) than in the Founder.
I’ll keep an eye on comments here, and if you do decide to write a follow-up would be more than happy to be contacted, assuming complete anonymity was agreed.
Hi Kid.
Firstly looking back on your first comment you asked are you the only trans student at RHUL? I think you know the answer to that “it is highly unlikely” .
You refere in your second response about my old name! well i do have a past and however much i would have liked that past to have been different, and more so easier it is there engraved in my head .Knowone realy knows what i had to go through in my life as i do try to block alot of it or not talk about it , i wish my brain was a hard drive i could wipe clean or replace but i can’t and that is why i spoke to Kate so others do not have to go through what i did or feel alone .
I know we do not live in a perfect world but it is a more accepting one and i also know that as my life is comming to its end your lives are just begining and that is why i want to reach others in anyway i can just to say “you are who you are so be proud”.
Given the opotunity i would have no problems in comming down to london to talk to you all about my life but in the past i have offered to talk to high schools but been told “it is not an apropriate subject” yet when i gave a talk to my local police force they felt i had given them an insight they have not gained from other trans people and agreed that children need to be tought about this as when i told them that in todays world its the children that teach the adulds , i often hear a child say to mum or dad “you should not say that it is wrong”
Take care and all the best Julia.
Interesting that the Founder published a trans story. I might have submitted my own to them instead of the London Student back in 2009 had I felt more confident things would be this positive. But then I did feel I was the only trans student on campus at the time, and the LGBT society certainly didn’t change that impression – when I was trans rep, I represented myself. Though I was aware there may be some trans students who ‘passed’, or hadn’t transitioned yet, or whatever. The fact the campus GPs didn’t seem to know what to do when I saw them did suggest they hadn’t handled this before, mind.
Though all the staff and fellow students were fantastic.
Hi Class of 2009 Girl.
It seems there are alot of might or maybe storie’s around but untill any of them actualy turn them into reality i am sorry but you are stuck with me or the likes of me.
Why not ask Kate to do a story about you? she is a realy nice person and i am sure she will agree “but” if you ask just as kid has for anonymity then i realy cannot see the point in it as she could be writing about my mothers cat for all anyone knows .
Please feel free to give this the thumbs down as i pressume it was you who already has on Kids and my own comments as up untill you posted on here it was positive.
I will still send you all the best Julia.
PS my Mother is dead and she never owned a cat.
Class of 2009 Girl! Its been 8 months since your post so i am going to point out what knowone else has “your words”.
“Had i felt more confident things would be this positive” yes those were your words and the you bring negativity to to story and comments .
I still wish you all the best and again as you seem bitter please feel free to give this the thumbs down again.
Julia.